Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
