it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize