Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
