Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
