they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize