You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My vagina is officially offended.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
