I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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