i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
