I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
