this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
