Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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