my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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