Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
