I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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