Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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