are you so shy because you have an std?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
