I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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