Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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