Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
