she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
