this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
operation have a gay friend backfired
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
