I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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