if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
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