he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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