I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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