At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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