How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize