You're completely useless in the revolution.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
