They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
