There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
