Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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