i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize