I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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