Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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