I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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