i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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