So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
