She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
