im having a threesome with these popsicles
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
