I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
