just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
