We're facebook friends in real life
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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