He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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