You really coming over, don't trick.
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
