Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
