In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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