Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
