she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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