I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
