just come out here and I will go home with you...
I CAN MOONWALK!
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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