if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
