In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
