Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
