I want to stick my p in your. b.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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