i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
