This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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