I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
