honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
