I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
