He asked to "fluff my boner.."
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
