kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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