cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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