god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
