I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
