I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
