so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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