I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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