dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
