Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
