tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
