I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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