hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
