For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
