Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
