He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
