And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
